Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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