I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
