I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
