you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize