you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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