not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
