Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I still have a little drunk in my system
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
