Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
