my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
