did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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