We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
