I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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