her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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