I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
