omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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