I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
