scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Randomize
