a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Randomize
