woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
