Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
