i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
