I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
