i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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