I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
