..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
