I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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