Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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