dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
where does the pee come out of this thing
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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