I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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