How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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