i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize