i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
