His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
