You made me cry and you don't even care
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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