ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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