I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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