I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
