dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
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