..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
