maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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