i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
