So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
