do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
How's work?
Spinning.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize