Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
