Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
