Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
