nut hugger
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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