You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
