Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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