..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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