I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
How does one acquire holy water?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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