i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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