I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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