some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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