I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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