Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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