I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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