she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
