He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
