how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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