new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
