thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
