She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
