I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize