Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
