The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
