I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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